Saturday, October 27, 2007

what to say...where to begin

this week, it seems i'm writing for the sake of writing. for the sake of writing, and not letting too much time pass (as i usually do with journals - i'm a horrible journaler.)

Elodie and Pierre have just left. They're going to el Escorial - its a palace nearby Madrid, and I want to go, but I'm trying to be frugal and my cheque doesnt come until wednesday (is that crass? to talk about money on a blog? well, oh well - whatever). I just don't want to mooch another cent off my parents - I'm tired of not being responsible for myself. So I'm being responsible and staying home alone in my apartment. with very little food.

If I'm lucky, Javi will come to visit me this evening - Javi Aquilera, my friend from Segovia, not my roommate. I invited him for a movie - but i don't know if he'll make it because of all the work he has to do.

One thing I'm realizing slowly but surely is how enchanted I was by Spain my first time here. Even at the end of my time, when I 'd sort of created a life for myself and came to except certain things specific to being here as part of my life, not just a fun diversion, I was still romanticizing the life I had here - the culture, my surroundings, my friends, even.

Well that delusion is showing itself for what it really was, by expectations are being revelaed to me in all their rosy tones. This is not to say I regret my decision to come, or that i don't think that at some time in the future I will come to value THIS experience highly, although differently without a doubt. But right now, man, I have no idea what that value is going to be (obviously, Anna, come on - I keep telling myself). But right now, I feel like being here...still isn't real. The first time I felt numb like this because everything was so surreal, so magical, that I couldn't believe I was living in fairytale land. this time, everything is so real, so normal, so mundane...it's equally as surreal. there's no struggle to make it real, and, well, being in madrid is also not liek being in segovia with the "castle" and the mountains. I miss that....(although this time my apartment has a view of the real Royal Palace...LA DE DA).

Well. theat senough for today. I'm off to have tea with carolyn. pajama party!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Adios, Kate

Kate is gone. Adios, Kate!

Kate was my fellow auxiliar in the Colegio Maria Moliner. Kate did not contact the school before arriving in Madrid to confirm that she was coming. She arrived the day before our first meeting and two days before starting work. Poor Kate was tired out by all of the adjusting in the first week, in addition to our taxing role at the cole (school). She complained about our not-ideal work schedule, and while I sympathize with this judgement, I also explained to her that now that the school year has begun, there is only so much that can be expected to be done to better the situation.

A week ago exactly (tuesday), Kate arrived for her 4th day at work, but felt ill. She left the school early to rest. She was also out ill on wednesday. On thursday morning when she was also absent and had not notified the school, our program coordinator Maria Angeles asked me if I knew where she was (which I didn't). I sent her a message saying "You should call the school." At 11:30am I found out through Maria Angeles that the Auxiliares program director had called to say that Kate had quit.

Now I am the only auxiliar left at Maria Moliner. They are waiting for a replacement that, hopefully, will be coming sometime in the questionably near future. I guess this job isn't for everyone. I mean, I'm not sure it's really for me either, but hey, I'm gonna stick it out anyway. Wish me luck!

And Kate, wherever you are, I wish you luck too. And I wish you survival skills.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Sometime around 3 a.m. on Thursday night, winding my way around a discoteca (palacio, for those of you in the know), hanging onto Virginia's hand, I had a moment of clarity; this was what I came back to Spain to do, and even though it feels weird again right now, I'm doing what I need to do...and starting to ::gasp:: enjoy it.

Virginia is 24 and works with me in the colegio - we teach art class and computer class to the 1st graders together in english (she speaks very well). I knew from the first day I met her that I wanted to get to know her better - she's closer to my age than most of the other teachers, and I could tell from her manner that wewould probably get along: she's very low maintenance, loud, and has a good sense of humor (without being happy-go-lucky). So when I told her I might be going out on thursday with my roommate, she said she would definitely be in madrid for the night and we had to meet up. I was so exhausted that night from working with the kids all week that I knew it would be better to stay in and rest up, but I wanted to convince myself otherwise - I spend enough time alone in my room inside my apartment as it is. When I called her to say I wasn't even dressed yet and not sure I was going out, she wouldn't hear of it (in typical spanish fashion, and this is perhaps one of the things I was looking for from this year, and certainly from her). I ended up meeting up with her and her group of friends from her little hometown, AND a couple of their friends, including a french guy (ho was hysterical) and belgian guy who was both ridiculously beautiful and ridiculously out of my league. We were singing and eating until 2:30 when we went to Palacio (I got us in for cheap with some student discount club deal, which made them happy) and danced until 6:30. Then of course out for churros, where I got to sit on the belgian's lap because (boo-hoo) there was no seat left for me. They were a good bunch of people, very amiable, good humored, got along well with each other and made me feel comfortable even though I'd just met them and they've known each other all their lives.

Since I went to bed at 8 a.m on friday (after showering that icky smoke smell out of my hair and skin - cuz it makes you wanna puke when you wake up to it), I basically spent the day resting. On saturday I took my roommate Elodie and her boyfriend to Segovia to tour them around. We didn't actually see that much cause we got there late and left early (relatively speaking), but they saw the main drage and the main sights. It sort of felt like I was cheating them, because from my perspective Segovia get more beautiful the more time you have to spend just wandering around - but I let it go with them. It doesn't have to mean the same thign for everyone, right? We all went out to a rugby game, where unfortunately the French team lost (bummer).

Just getting out, spending time with new people, and having a good time doing it was reassuring. Because even though I've done this before, as I've said - this time is different. I needed to prove to myself that the reasons I chose to come back here still make sense. And it seems like, so far, so good. I even feel like I appeciate my little room here in the apartment more. It feels more like home, and I feel more settled in it.

And today at school Virginia told me her friends had fun and liked me, and that we'll have to do it again...

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Spanification

Just thought I should share one of the cultural phenomena here that makes me laugh the most: what I will call Spanifications, though I am sure there is a better word...

Basically this means an interpretation of a word in english based on spanish phonetics. When spoken, these are funny enough. When written, they are HILARIOUS.

For example:

Graffiti seen on a highway wall: MADAFAKER

Translation: Motherfucker

Name of a day care center: JAPI VERDY

Translation: Happy Birdie

Believe me, there are more. I will keep posting the good ones as I see em.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

adjustments, adjustments...

Oh dear lord.

Two major things that have come up this week that I will have to get used to (again - as in differently from the way I adjusted to these things my first time here):
1) Men hitting on me (what??)
2) The Spanish education system (which sucks bollullos - that's a nod to Ms. Bethany, my own personal Edina Monsoon)

The bit about guys hitting on me is a slight exaggeration. But seriously, it does happen more often here that someone you barely know, who happens to be male, shows more interest in you than any nearly perfect stranger would if he weren't trying to get something out of it. No one's grabbed my ass. But I have experienced a spike in the number of men offering to accompany while I walk somewhere (once this oldish guy who literally backtracked to start a conversation with me - that was just weird. Obviously I politely declined, explaining how my ::ahem:: non-existent friend was expectng me.)

The Spanish education system, however, is no joke. It's poorly organized, entirely lacking in methodology and logic - and they have no problem with berating the children all day long. Once again, I exaggerate. SLIGHTLY.

In my past 3 days of work, I have worked mostly with the 6 and 7 year olds (1st grade equivalent). They're still just out of preschool more or less, and they aren't used to the rules of a schoolday: they just want to play! And instead of this being understood and dealt with in the classroom with understanding, the children are ordered to sit still without talking for most of the day, though of course, THEY CAN'T - they get up, talk to each other, shift around - -and in response, their teacher yell tell them they are ill-behaved, that they will not be doing the fun activities planned for them NO they will sit still and uiet for 5 minutes without moving. They are monsters, they are horrors. They are stupid.

It isn't like this every moment of every day, but the frequency of this kind of interaction in the classroom, and the general way that the teachers speak of their students as being incorrigable and willfully disobedient, deserving of punishment, is just... disheartening.

It's my pesky liberal, alternative pedagogy education that makes this so hard. The teachers here seem to think about this situation: "no hay mas remedio," or, there's just no other way to make it work. I know that this isnt true. But what do I say? Yes there is, it's jsut a simple matter of rehauling your entire educational idealogy? Good fucking luck.

And then there's the kids. The littler ones I work with (5 and 4 years old) don't understand a single word of English. "hello", maybe, but even that's a stretch. I actually cried in front of them last week, because I was given a group of 10 or so to handle on my own, and I couldn't get them to even understand "Sit down", "be quiet", let's play a GAME." They don't know SIT or GAME. And yet the entire class is supposed to be taught by speaking to them ONLY IN ENGLISH. WHAT???!!! it amkes no sense. And the teachers are entirely unprepared to deal with the challenge as well. The program is a total farce - my one day of orientation was basically just a meeting where a bunch of diplomatic representatives were like "Have a good time!" and then we signed some paperwork for our residency permits and were allowed to leave.

It's all ridiculous. And I just sort of have to deal with it. But I'm trying to do it in my own way, although I'm still figuring out what that means. Certainly it means not being one of the teachers that yells and cajoles. I stay out of that. A stern look and a pointed finger is the worst they've gotten from me.

So the last week or so has been a lot of coping. It's not all horrible - I like my kids that i'm working with and I do have hope that they will make progress. Sorry for a lot of update packed into one entry, guys, but there's been so much going on in my head that its taken me this long to get it out - and it just keeps building up.

Anyway, I'll save some of the other details of life in Spain for another entry. So stay tuned!
BESOSSSSSSS

Monday, October 1, 2007

FOTOS!!!

Tomorrow I start my job!!!!! A little nervous, mostly excited....
And I finally downloaded some shots - Enjoy.

Room!


Me in Room! Today


"Paz" was here


Elodie :)


Why am I back by this aqueduct again??


Beth is Beautiful



Til next time. Much Love.