and you may ask yourself... How did I get here?

so i guess this is life...

2008-06-07T12:02:00.004+02:00

It seems like every time I stop to think about the "status" of my life so I can write in this thing, the conclusion is always - this is just a really funny, clumsy time of life. As the end of the schoolyear gets here I have to make plans for the summer, and these plans are in the following state:
I MAY, or possibly MAY NOT, have a job teaching english at a summer camp here in spain for a few weeks.
I can't stay in my current apartment in July, but need a place to stay, but not for the WHOLE month if the summer camp thing swerves toward the "may work out" possibility.
I have a tentative job teaching private english classes, but that MAY not work out depending on what happens with summer camp.
I MAY know where I'm living next september by the end of the month and be able to move things there, but it MAY NOT be settled in time.
I MAY be getting almost 500 euros from the Spanish government if I get my shit together and they don't take an eon to give me my tax info (this MAY be too much to ask).

I MAY be broke and homeless in a month - though somehow I trust this will not happen.

Basically there's a curious amount of "MAY" going on for it to be June.

Other general goings one (file under the "amusing" category), last weekend I was in the end-of-term dance concert for the afterschool program at the school I work at. Beth and my friend Dan came to see the show, which was quite something,, let me tell you. Check out this clip somebody posted on youtube - it's from the dance I did with all of the moms from the school (and a couple other teachers) to Thriller by Michael Jackson...dressed as zombies. Just wait 'til I get pictures...

When the zombies leave the stage I'm the blonde one that comes down to the audience in the middle (It's a wig, so no, I didn't dye my hair again).

I also danced around in gold lamé as a backup dancer, while Virginia (same Virginia as always) sang Don't Stop Me Now by Queen. Need to get those pics up too...

At the end of the weekend Beth left for a month travelling around Mexico, and I wish I were going off on an adventure too. I guess in a way just living here is adventure enough in comparison with what I could be doing otherwise, but I was hoping to get away and do something other than teaching english this summer, change things up, see new places. I wanted to go do a WOOF program in Italy, but I'm afraid I can't turn away getting paid. I need the money - because I haven't saved any this year. I need to learn how to do that... So this is the difference between before and after college.

One thing I can't complain of is that it's a beautiful day outside, and I should be there in it. I'm trying to spend less time plugged into the computer and more outdoors, even if it's only to read. I suggest you do the same.
HAPPY SUMMER.

2008-05-05T21:49:00.002+02:00

Today I stopped for a moment to assess where I'm at right now...between 3-day spanish rock festivals, catching up on battlestar galactica, the choreography for the dance show i'm in a few weeks from now, and trip to barcelona next weekend, the guy i've had a couple dates with who's currently on hold...I realized it had been a while since I'd taken stock.

And the answer that came to me? Estoy en movimiento
I'm in motion. right now I'm surfing this wave of things that are happening - and I dont' really know where that puts me but I think not knowing is OK for the moment, right?

I also realized, a second after this thought, that I have sheep for neighbors.

About 3 blocks away from my building the town of Villanueva de la Cañada effectively ends, there's a two-lane highway, and then.... GREEN. All the way into the distance, where you can see the sun setting over the mountains. And right over the highway is the pasture of my baa-ing, bell-dangling neighbors. If I was looking for something different in moving here - to Spain and then to the smaller town - I've found it, no doubt. And I'm really enjoying that.

As for other things that are going on - the rock festival, ViñaRock, was a lot of fun. I'd never been to a multiple-day festival, not even in the U.S., the kind where you camp out and all that. So I bought myself a sleeping back and spent 3 days at concerts until 4 in the morning, waking up at noon, and drinking, smoking and eating until going off to the concerts again in the evening. It was funny to spend several days listening to bands that I barel knew - I mean, I knew the choruses to a handful of songs that always get played in bars and discotecas and whatnot. But I had fun dancing and listening anyway. Funny thing about spanish rock though - it has a very distinctive, fairly strict formula:
verse-
chorus-
verse
-chorus-
short guitar solo-
chorus
chorus.

It's a standard rock formula. And unless this guitarrist is exceptional or the lead singer distinctive (there were several of these, like Rosendo and Marea and La Fuga, and they were pretty good) it's gets a little monotonous, especially after DAYS of the same. Lucily there were some great jam bands to dance to, like canteca de Macao and Muchachito bombo infierno or Huecco. Anyway, I came home dirty as hell, dry as a desert and tan (the weather was hot and sunny). As my roommate woud say, triunfada.

At the moment I can't think of anything else to report. I'm trying to be more on top of this thing lately...when I have pictures, I'll post 'em.

the rain has come to spain

2008-04-07T19:26:00.002+02:00

You know the smell of rain in about late april-may, when all of th e trees and plants are in flower, and the rain makes the air smell vibrantly green? it's unmistakable. and that's what it smells like right now. I can't remember the last time it rained here, its probably been 2 months, and after the beautiful weather we've been having (already in the 70s the first week of april), everything is starting to flower, and i can already tell that when the skies clear the landscape is going to be neon green with life. i'm stoked.

The last month or so has been an interesting change - and i've been out of touch because once again i was without internet for a month. Because of that, and being now outside of the city, i've been feeling more isolated, and for the first time all year i really started to miss home...it was rough for a few weeks. I've also been taking stock in the friendships i have with people at home and here...in which ones matter most to me, and feeling a little bit less certain than i was before that i am going to find people here that will offer me the caliber of friendship that i expect, the kind that i've left behind - and mostly this is not because i can't find people to get along, but more that a particular quirk about spanish culture seems to be their stubborn and somewhat blind loyalty to the friendships they've grown up with, and it seems almost impossible to become a really truly close friend of anyone here; all those places are already taken b people they've known at the latest since elementary school (!). And I just ain't from around here, no matter what I do.

However, I think I'm still determined to push ahead, and give things more of a chance (probably at least a couple of years worth, so don't hold your breath over there...). Things in my apartment are going mostly well: my room IS much nicer and the house more comfortable, and not travelling an hour to work everyday is a blessing. However I feel like my roommate, excited as she was to have me move in at the beginning, is showing slight signs of annoyance at having another person always in the house - I think mostly because she'd been living alone for months, and she's adjusting to having osmeone else in her space, which is fine. She's also a neat freak, and as I am not, I think it bugs her that i don't always leave thing as neurotically immaculate as she does (though at least she recognizes her own obsession). I was hoping to be living with someone a little more enthusiastic to spend time accompanied, and instead it seems i'm cramping her style...

all things considered, though, I'm more satisfied with how things are going now, this last month has mostly been a transition, and as I already feel I'm moving through that, my guess is that things will change, and I'm hoping the move toward the better. Once the weather improves and its starts to be nice spring weather and all ervyone wants to do is spend time outside drinking beer on terraces and whatnot...that;s the best part of being in spain, man. I'm looking forward to it.

this week I head down to Sevilla for the famous Feria de Abril after 2 years of pleading my friend gloria to take me - think culmination of everything typical you think of when someone says ""spain" to you: flamenco dancing and music, dirnking and food all night long, followed by 2 days of recovery on the beach...i'll try to post pictures later.

big besos to all. Drop me a line if you havent heard from me. I miss you!

Muah

CH-ch-ch-ch-CHANGES...

2008-02-14T21:52:00.002+01:00

What a crazy month this is turning into...

I'M MOVING.

In March I'm leaving my apartment with Javi and Elodie (and Manolo) in Madrid and moving out to Villanueva de la Cañada, the town that I work in. I'm really relieved about not having to commute every day (it's an hour each way at least), and though I've been hesitant to give up on living in the city, I really feel like I've been longing for a slower pace for a long time, and I might as well take a chance, try something new, and see if it works out. I mean, I had a few explicit goals for my life after college:
-invest time in reading books i wanted to read (self-education)
-invest in my own health/happiness by being active/excercising, cooking and eating well
and if since I was planning on being here in Spain:
-improve and practice my language skills as much as possible - take full advantage of being here

As of now, although things aren't bad with me, I also don't feel like I'm meeting any of these goals. ANY. I've tried, but the first two get dropped because the commuting takes all my time and energy, and when I arrive at home I don't even feel like talking to anyone, nevermind in Spanish.

This new apartment I am going to belongs to Mariola, a gym teacher and friend of mine at my school. She's a sweet person and has a beautiful apartment which she lives in by herself, though it has two bedrooms and two bathrooms. I'm so psyched to live with just one person, to be able to come home right after school and take a nap in the sunshine (which comes in through the window of the room that will be mine), to plop down on Mariola's awesome couch and chat with her and watch TV, or go to the gym (she goes every day). I feel like this is a choice that will bring me closer to a better quality of life -- at least for 4 months. As of now I still plan on moving into an apartment with my friend Virginia in September.

Anyway, I'm a little nervous about leaving everything I've set up for myself in this neighborhood in Madrid, but more than that, I'm relieved by and looking forward to having a situation in which I may be able to breather easier. We shall see...

And then, sometimes, this happens...

2008-02-04T00:33:00.000+01:00

This is an actual email I sent to a friend:

I really wish you were online right now. actually, you're probably watching the superbowl aren't you? hmmm, another american tradition lost (to me, i mean).

well, i'm fine, but tonight i'm just having one of those nights when i feel kind of pensive/morose, and i really wish i had someone good here to talk to, just for a little while, so i could a couple of very general, not-immediately important life issue thoughts out of my brain so that i could sleep a little easier. I wish you were here. i wish anyone were online. ANYONE. I wish i lived in the same timezone as you or any of my other good friends so i could just pick up my cell phone (which my parents would be paying for), and call. i wish my good friends in spain weren't all studyign for exams, because i feel like i just can't be selfish right now and ask someone to just let me think out loud at them for 40 minutes. Right now, i feel really distant, and kind of sad about that. It'd be nice to have somebody over for dinner and a couple of beers sometime this week. its funny that something so simple is, like, totally out of the question for me right now.

anyway. thank you for reading my email. I hope the Pats kicked ass and you had a great time watching the game. I'm sure i'll get to talk to you this week, and I probably won't be in the same state of mind, don't worry. I guess I just wanted somebody that would care to know.

How to make no money and still spend 200E on "Rebajas"

2008-02-02T16:46:00.000+01:00

So I survived the month of January, after spending ALMOST ALL OF MY MONEY on vacation in France and Barcelona, despite demonstrating incredible self-restraint and thriftiness on said vacation. I survived by picking up a couple of english lessons - as in I "teach" people English. and "a couple" as in 4, soon to be 5 (cross yer fingersssss).

And then I got paid yesterday. Since then I have spent at least (i haven't actually looked at my bank statement, I'm too scared) 200 euros. I am wearing a new pair of shoes. And when i go out to the movies tonight I will be wearing a new t-shirt and sweatshirt. And thats not couting the other pair of shoes and t-shirts and and and....

I am ill. I have shopping-itis. And yes, things are cheaper, relatively speaking this time of year (January and February -wow I just forgot that February had two r's- are post christmas sale months, aka "Rebajas"). And I like having nice things, that at other times would cost more money.

At the same time, I'm reflecting a lot lately on various global issues...like, exaggerated consumerism EVERYWHERE, the contribution of the meat industry to greenhouse gases (mmm-mmmmm, cow farts in the air)... And I wonder every time i try on something new, or buy myself hamburger because I don't know what else to cook; could I go without? Wouldn't it be better if I did?

I guess this is just part of this strange process I've been noticing lately in myself -being much more specific with and conscious of my choices, in who I spend my time with (or don't), what companies or people or places I choose to support with my money, and the times that I recognize that i'm putting my money somewhere that I really don't want to, but don't at the moment have much of a choice - economically speaking mostly.

In that vein, I'm trying to eat more vegetarian, and hoping to do a WOOF program this summer, learn some more about organic agriculture and hopefully yummy vegetarianism. I mean, I'll probably always eat some meat, but there are ways you can support humanitarian animal-raising and butchering practices, as well as local butchers and people who make little money actually dedicating their lives to what they do instead of just grabbing a quick and easy job at the supermarket.

I'm not really sure why all of this came out quite this way in this entry. I cold tell you about the mini-happenings and coincidences of my life right now, like how I'm probably living in Madrid next year with Virginia - my colleague aforementioned in this blog, how I'm so sick of my smelly roommate I considered moving, how one of my students IS Lucy from the Peanuts comics - she's only missing the blue dress. But Honestly, this is more important to me, on a grander scale, than all of that. And I'd rather share the important stuff.

I'm doing well. I'm musing on what I could do with my future, trying to hustle out a living, reading books... I think I'm enjoying myself. I hope that makes you glad.

Holiday International: A Photoessay

2008-01-11T19:03:00.001+01:00

CAPTIONS:
1) Feliz drunken Navidad! (with Gloria)
2) Javi Smokes? What?? He's a such an SLC student and doesn't even know it..
3) Staff food-fight at our Christmas meal. Clearly I work with professionals ;)
The irony was that that same day the kids had a Proper Behavior in the Cafeteria workshop...
4) Where am I? Oh wait... RIGHT! It's Paris! How awesome is that?!
5) Beth has a run-in with a scary-looking Cherub on the Pont
6) Speaks for itself
7) Hello Beautiful
8) Oh, hello! You're an awfully large Arc, aren't you? Arc de Triumph
9) Lady Victory looks ugly when she's pissed...or, you know, conquering countries or something.
10) The Seine at 8am on Christmas Morning.
11) And in Barcelona...The Joan Miró Foundation
12) And there's nothing like a day chilling on the beach to cure your travelling ills...

href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__mr8EBIGu4s/R4ewVjA4oUI/AAAAAAAAAEE/dcawQQteLVQ/s1600-h/DSCN3225.jpg">

Andnowbacktoourregularlyscheduledblogging

2008-01-06T22:15:00.000+01:00

It's another fucking new year. A new year. Like new (period) year(period). Crazy.

I've been blog negligent lately. If this blog were a Tomagotchi, like the one my student Teresa keeps showing me in class (they still exist! hard to believe...), the poor thing would have soiled itself into oblivion already. I apologize if you've been checking up on me, waiting for an update with no result. I myself have been looking at my blog with regularity, with out updating it...as if it will spontaneously generate its own account of my life at the moment. I intend to put some pictures up tomorrow, in an attempt to recount the things I've skipped over in photo-essay format. Sort-of. Its a bit of a copout, btu I've never been a good journaler, and I look at catching up on lost time as a)an insurmountable task and b)yet another loss of time.

I just got back from my trip to Paris and Barcelona for the holidays with my friends Beth and Emily. We had some great moments - I laughed harder than I had in a few months, the kind of laughter that makes you feel like you've done situps. And that felt really good. We had a sort of a difficult time negotiating how best to both spend time together and make the most of our vacation time and money (we seemed to have different inclinations...a lot of the time). In the end, I think that we did a pretty good job of negotiating for 3 people living in the same space for 2 straight weeks - I certainly enjoyed the trip, and I'm glad it was with them. Paris was completely charming, as ever. I spent the majority of my time there taking walks that spanned half the city (7 or 8km in a day i think), and stuffing myself with cheap and DELICIOUS bread and cheese. To the point that I think I made myself a bit sick to the stomach on cheese just in time for our trip to Barcelona and had to spend a day of our time there resting...

For Christmas we met up with Nico, a friend of Beth's from her time in Uruguay, who was as charming and open to us as his city. We had supper with a mish-mosh of company, danced the cumbia until the early hours (I kind of pooped out of this part of the party - the part where they were doing shots of Absinthe and Tequila from Mexico - aka the real shit- since I was still kind of crashing from the end of school). But I overcame my initial inclination to call it quits and went "hardcore" with the girls on Christmas morning: meaning that we stayed up long enough to go to 8:30 am sunrise mass at Notre Dame and saw the stained glass light up with the daylgith through the service, and the sun reaching over the city by the Seine (we, of course, were totally cracked out from the night before and were cackling like giddy bums by the side of the river, taking pictures of ourselves.) We slept through the rest of the day.

For New Years, we met up with Nico again, who at that point had a gaggle of friends from out of town crashing at his tiny attic apartment. We had a delicous Uruguayan guiso made by Julianne (who is uruguayan by way of australia, and maybe switzerland?), and rang in the midnight hour with champagne and the carhorns and drumming of the neighbors in Nico's mainly hindu neighborhood. Later, Beth and I ventured of to a houseparty with a really swanky address - a few blocks away from the Eiffel Tower to be precise. At that point it wasn't lit up anymore, but was still incredibly impressive as this dark, shadowed figure looming in the fog. At 5:30 am we passed right below it on our way home...
Beth made an awesome new years day meal - traditional german pork, sauerkraut and applesauce for good luck (which, conveniently, was also the best hungover food ever imaginable). Emily and I both want the recipes so we can spread the tradition. ugh, YUM.

By the time we got to Barcelona, I think we were all sort of winding down. Emily and I spent a wonderful afternoon watching surfers and the sunset on the beach at the end of the Barceloneta, talking about life, the universe and everything of importance - which clearly had to be followed up by beers, patatas bravas (chunky fried potatoes in spicy sauce - AWESOME), and gelato. We both decided, I think, that even for all the things that perhaps are not at quite the place we'd want them to be in our lives, overall...We were standing on the water in an amazing city watching a beautiful sunset and eating ice cream, and really, we have to count ourselves truly fortunate.

The trip gave me the perspective I was seeking without finding before I left. A way to break with the monotony and constant expenditure of energy I'd been focusing on in my life here, and to realize this amazing opportunity for what it is in all its glory, and the will and desire to grab it by the balls and make of it what i really WANT it to be. Nothing short of unforgettable.

So here I am at my computer again. My room is a mess. I smell like armpit. I'm drinking beer alone listening to my neighbors sing merrily with their families (today is a big holiday in Spain.) But I just had a wonderful trip, and I just spoke to a beautiful, wonderful friend (Aiyanna) for the first time in a long time, and I'm not sad. And I'm no lonely. I'm thinking about all of you out there who I love very much and wish could be here with me if it were in my power to make all of our gals and desires coincide. You make this experience and all experiences worth living, even if we don't live them together in the moment.
I don't know if I'm any wiser this year. Or any luckier. And I have no idea where I could be headed right now. But I feel I'm in good company. And I'm learning the patience to wait out the rest. And for now, that's enough for me.

Love and Luck from Madrid.

(Cross your fingers that I get pictures together...Or better yet respond to my post and tell me if you want to see them, because i'll be more likely to get on top of it under pressure)

I'm back! or something.

2007-11-29T00:12:00.000+01:00

My last entry, as Ethan has oh-so-kindly pointed out, was so rushed it was practically unintelligable with all my typos (though, in my defense, spanish keyboards are different and i was writing from a computer at my school in my last 2 minutes of break-time). I will write a bit more later, but I leave you temporarily with a few snapshots of my past week. You know, those moments when something makes you pause and think "hmmmmm" (like that song "things that make ya go...HMMMMMMM"). Anyway. A brief glimpse into life this week.

Riding the bus to work at 10 in the morning, the sky was totally clear and blue, with the mountains to the north of madrid rising in the distance in the sunshine, and the moon HUGE and ghostly setting just above them. Surreal.

On tuesday, I arrived in class to be greeted by my student's congratulations ("Felicidades, Anna!") for the occasion of Teacher's Day (which it was), and then for my PREGNANCY (which i was not, clearly). What the fuck?! Seriously, you're as confused as I was. I spent 3 minutes trying to explain that there was no "bebe" in my tummy. Note to self: don't wear that long empire-waisted shirt to school again.

Tonight, walking home from the movies just before midnight, I passed a very tall transvestite hooker helping a neatly dressed older gentlemen take cash out of a Caja Madrid ATM. Hmmmmmmm....

and with that...i leave you (so I can sleep).

Wha...what? AH!

2007-11-20T13:29:00.001+01:00

I haven´t written any entries in three weeks because I am internetless at home. It is a huge pain in my behind. Hopefully sometime before the ned of this month I will be reinstated to internet-dom and i will be able to fill in the last month or so which will include
-my trip to the south of frnace
-continuing adventures with 6-year-olds (who are screamign in the background as i write this)
- halloween
-my upcoming thanksgiving dinner-party! Me and Beth cooking for 15 people. in my tiny kitchen. thos should be HILARIOUS

in the meantime, much love to all, and i wish that no such dryspell of online-ness should occur for you at a similarly inopportune moment

what to say...where to begin

2007-10-27T11:12:00.001+02:00

this week, it seems i'm writing for the sake of writing. for the sake of writing, and not letting too much time pass (as i usually do with journals - i'm a horrible journaler.)

Elodie and Pierre have just left. They're going to el Escorial - its a palace nearby Madrid, and I want to go, but I'm trying to be frugal and my cheque doesnt come until wednesday (is that crass? to talk about money on a blog? well, oh well - whatever). I just don't want to mooch another cent off my parents - I'm tired of not being responsible for myself. So I'm being responsible and staying home alone in my apartment. with very little food.

If I'm lucky, Javi will come to visit me this evening - Javi Aquilera, my friend from Segovia, not my roommate. I invited him for a movie - but i don't know if he'll make it because of all the work he has to do.

One thing I'm realizing slowly but surely is how enchanted I was by Spain my first time here. Even at the end of my time, when I 'd sort of created a life for myself and came to except certain things specific to being here as part of my life, not just a fun diversion, I was still romanticizing the life I had here - the culture, my surroundings, my friends, even.

Well that delusion is showing itself for what it really was, by expectations are being revelaed to me in all their rosy tones. This is not to say I regret my decision to come, or that i don't think that at some time in the future I will come to value THIS experience highly, although differently without a doubt. But right now, man, I have no idea what that value is going to be (obviously, Anna, come on - I keep telling myself). But right now, I feel like being here...still isn't real. The first time I felt numb like this because everything was so surreal, so magical, that I couldn't believe I was living in fairytale land. this time, everything is so real, so normal, so mundane...it's equally as surreal. there's no struggle to make it real, and, well, being in madrid is also not liek being in segovia with the "castle" and the mountains. I miss that....(although this time my apartment has a view of the real Royal Palace...LA DE DA).

Well. theat senough for today. I'm off to have tea with carolyn. pajama party!

Adios, Kate

2007-10-16T19:32:00.000+02:00

Kate is gone. Adios, Kate!

Kate was my fellow auxiliar in the Colegio Maria Moliner. Kate did not contact the school before arriving in Madrid to confirm that she was coming. She arrived the day before our first meeting and two days before starting work. Poor Kate was tired out by all of the adjusting in the first week, in addition to our taxing role at the cole (school). She complained about our not-ideal work schedule, and while I sympathize with this judgement, I also explained to her that now that the school year has begun, there is only so much that can be expected to be done to better the situation.

A week ago exactly (tuesday), Kate arrived for her 4th day at work, but felt ill. She left the school early to rest. She was also out ill on wednesday. On thursday morning when she was also absent and had not notified the school, our program coordinator Maria Angeles asked me if I knew where she was (which I didn't). I sent her a message saying "You should call the school." At 11:30am I found out through Maria Angeles that the Auxiliares program director had called to say that Kate had quit.

Now I am the only auxiliar left at Maria Moliner. They are waiting for a replacement that, hopefully, will be coming sometime in the questionably near future. I guess this job isn't for everyone. I mean, I'm not sure it's really for me either, but hey, I'm gonna stick it out anyway. Wish me luck!

And Kate, wherever you are, I wish you luck too. And I wish you survival skills.

2007-10-15T19:41:00.000+02:00

Sometime around 3 a.m. on Thursday night, winding my way around a discoteca (palacio, for those of you in the know), hanging onto Virginia's hand, I had a moment of clarity; this was what I came back to Spain to do, and even though it feels weird again right now, I'm doing what I need to do...and starting to ::gasp:: enjoy it.

Virginia is 24 and works with me in the colegio - we teach art class and computer class to the 1st graders together in english (she speaks very well). I knew from the first day I met her that I wanted to get to know her better - she's closer to my age than most of the other teachers, and I could tell from her manner that wewould probably get along: she's very low maintenance, loud, and has a good sense of humor (without being happy-go-lucky). So when I told her I might be going out on thursday with my roommate, she said she would definitely be in madrid for the night and we had to meet up. I was so exhausted that night from working with the kids all week that I knew it would be better to stay in and rest up, but I wanted to convince myself otherwise - I spend enough time alone in my room inside my apartment as it is. When I called her to say I wasn't even dressed yet and not sure I was going out, she wouldn't hear of it (in typical spanish fashion, and this is perhaps one of the things I was looking for from this year, and certainly from her). I ended up meeting up with her and her group of friends from her little hometown, AND a couple of their friends, including a french guy (ho was hysterical) and belgian guy who was both ridiculously beautiful and ridiculously out of my league. We were singing and eating until 2:30 when we went to Palacio (I got us in for cheap with some student discount club deal, which made them happy) and danced until 6:30. Then of course out for churros, where I got to sit on the belgian's lap because (boo-hoo) there was no seat left for me. They were a good bunch of people, very amiable, good humored, got along well with each other and made me feel comfortable even though I'd just met them and they've known each other all their lives.

Since I went to bed at 8 a.m on friday (after showering that icky smoke smell out of my hair and skin - cuz it makes you wanna puke when you wake up to it), I basically spent the day resting. On saturday I took my roommate Elodie and her boyfriend to Segovia to tour them around. We didn't actually see that much cause we got there late and left early (relatively speaking), but they saw the main drage and the main sights. It sort of felt like I was cheating them, because from my perspective Segovia get more beautiful the more time you have to spend just wandering around - but I let it go with them. It doesn't have to mean the same thign for everyone, right? We all went out to a rugby game, where unfortunately the French team lost (bummer).

Just getting out, spending time with new people, and having a good time doing it was reassuring. Because even though I've done this before, as I've said - this time is different. I needed to prove to myself that the reasons I chose to come back here still make sense. And it seems like, so far, so good. I even feel like I appeciate my little room here in the apartment more. It feels more like home, and I feel more settled in it.

And today at school Virginia told me her friends had fun and liked me, and that we'll have to do it again...

Spanification

2007-10-09T13:21:00.000+02:00

Just thought I should share one of the cultural phenomena here that makes me laugh the most: what I will call Spanifications, though I am sure there is a better word...

Basically this means an interpretation of a word in english based on spanish phonetics. When spoken, these are funny enough. When written, they are HILARIOUS.

For example:

Graffiti seen on a highway wall: MADAFAKER

Translation: Motherfucker

Name of a day care center: JAPI VERDY

Translation: Happy Birdie

Believe me, there are more. I will keep posting the good ones as I see em.

adjustments, adjustments...

2007-10-07T20:15:00.001+02:00

Oh dear lord.

Two major things that have come up this week that I will have to get used to (again - as in differently from the way I adjusted to these things my first time here):
1) Men hitting on me (what??)
2) The Spanish education system (which sucks bollullos - that's a nod to Ms. Bethany, my own personal Edina Monsoon)

The bit about guys hitting on me is a slight exaggeration. But seriously, it does happen more often here that someone you barely know, who happens to be male, shows more interest in you than any nearly perfect stranger would if he weren't trying to get something out of it. No one's grabbed my ass. But I have experienced a spike in the number of men offering to accompany while I walk somewhere (once this oldish guy who literally backtracked to start a conversation with me - that was just weird. Obviously I politely declined, explaining how my ::ahem:: non-existent friend was expectng me.)

The Spanish education system, however, is no joke. It's poorly organized, entirely lacking in methodology and logic - and they have no problem with berating the children all day long. Once again, I exaggerate. SLIGHTLY.

In my past 3 days of work, I have worked mostly with the 6 and 7 year olds (1st grade equivalent). They're still just out of preschool more or less, and they aren't used to the rules of a schoolday: they just want to play! And instead of this being understood and dealt with in the classroom with understanding, the children are ordered to sit still without talking for most of the day, though of course, THEY CAN'T - they get up, talk to each other, shift around - -and in response, their teacher yell tell them they are ill-behaved, that they will not be doing the fun activities planned for them NO they will sit still and uiet for 5 minutes without moving. They are monsters, they are horrors. They are stupid.

It isn't like this every moment of every day, but the frequency of this kind of interaction in the classroom, and the general way that the teachers speak of their students as being incorrigable and willfully disobedient, deserving of punishment, is just... disheartening.

It's my pesky liberal, alternative pedagogy education that makes this so hard. The teachers here seem to think about this situation: "no hay mas remedio," or, there's just no other way to make it work. I know that this isnt true. But what do I say? Yes there is, it's jsut a simple matter of rehauling your entire educational idealogy? Good fucking luck.

And then there's the kids. The littler ones I work with (5 and 4 years old) don't understand a single word of English. "hello", maybe, but even that's a stretch. I actually cried in front of them last week, because I was given a group of 10 or so to handle on my own, and I couldn't get them to even understand "Sit down", "be quiet", let's play a GAME." They don't know SIT or GAME. And yet the entire class is supposed to be taught by speaking to them ONLY IN ENGLISH. WHAT???!!! it amkes no sense. And the teachers are entirely unprepared to deal with the challenge as well. The program is a total farce - my one day of orientation was basically just a meeting where a bunch of diplomatic representatives were like "Have a good time!" and then we signed some paperwork for our residency permits and were allowed to leave.

It's all ridiculous. And I just sort of have to deal with it. But I'm trying to do it in my own way, although I'm still figuring out what that means. Certainly it means not being one of the teachers that yells and cajoles. I stay out of that. A stern look and a pointed finger is the worst they've gotten from me.

So the last week or so has been a lot of coping. It's not all horrible - I like my kids that i'm working with and I do have hope that they will make progress. Sorry for a lot of update packed into one entry, guys, but there's been so much going on in my head that its taken me this long to get it out - and it just keeps building up.

Anyway, I'll save some of the other details of life in Spain for another entry. So stay tuned!
BESOSSSSSSS

FOTOS!!!

2007-10-01T21:02:00.001+02:00

Tomorrow I start my job!!!!! A little nervous, mostly excited....
And I finally downloaded some shots - Enjoy.

Room!

Me in Room! Today

"Paz" was here

Elodie :)

Why am I back by this aqueduct again??

Beth is Beautiful

Til next time. Much Love.

Not alone anymore

2007-09-29T23:27:00.000+02:00

La Bethany ha llegado! She's sitting behind me reading my trashy british Cosmo that I picked up when my flight was delayed from barcelona. You didn't know I went to Barcelona?? Where have you been?
More like where have I been. Mentally. I guess I'm trying to settle myself around the idea of being here before I sit down and recount what's happened to me so far. But then I'd have to wait for... well, too long and there would be too much to tell before I even got started and THEN where would I be? This is why I have always been a bad journaler. Let's see if I can start to be a bit better.

Let's see. I spent the first week or so here buying things for the apartment, setting up, getting to know my roommates. My apartment is very close to the center of town, and from the windows that face the street you can see the royal palace (beautiful at sunset). My room has a window looking into the interior patio of the building (no view for me), but otherwise the place is fully equiped and awesome location-wise, and the rent is just fine; I have no complaints. My roommates are Javi and Manolo (two spanish boys, Javi a student, Manolo a middle/high school math teacher), and Elodie, who is 20 and french and studying here for the year. She's been good company, as her English is better than her Spanish, we speak mostly in English (which has made the transition to being here a bit surreal - I've spent most of my time speaking in English thus far). Elodie's boyfriend, Pierre, visits for the weekend periodically. He's here now with Elodie, Beth and I.
Elodie has also agreed to help me learn french - I'm going to partly teach myself out of a some textbooks i bought, and partly she'll be my tutor, We'll see how this one goes.

But I had so much time to kill before starting work, and I was getting stir-crazy in the apartment, in need of new company and to get out of my own head. So I bought me a ticket to:

BARCELONA.
I'm afraid pictures will have to come a long soon, though not yet. I thought my cameras was broken. It has now recovered, but I haven't really taken many pictures yet... I went to visit Alex Brostoff, another SLC/Boston area girl. Actually, my intention was more to go to Barcelona and spend some time with Alex while there. I pretty much ended up spending 5 days with her and a couple of her friends from her study aborad program. the weekend coincided with the La Mercé celebration (the biggest festival of the year in BCN), and it was tough to balance seeing some of the awesome museums and touristy offerings, AND part of the festival, AND spending time on the beach (which I was dying to do). I got in a bit of everything. Friday on las ramblas, Saturday the Picasso Museum and introducing Alex & co. to calimoxo, sunday on the beach and to Park Güell, a Gaudí designed park - with a beautiful sunset view of the city. Sunday night was a bit crazy - we talked and drank until late, and ended up at a club where an unfortunately stupid young man found out the hard way what happens when you try to accost me and my friends, even if we are drunk and dancing suggestively a la american (if you want the full story, just ask me). We never went to bed that night - just stayed up until the next night (slept on the beach in the afternoon).
That was the interesting part of the weekend; being the sage, experienced traveler and live-r abroad. (How did that happen?) But they had so many questions, and I tried to give them all the tips and clues and double-entendres that it took me my whole year living here to put together - the ones that would have made so many things easier if only someone had clued me in from the outset. So I'm trying to them a fighting chance. I hope I was helpful (but since they kept thanking me all weekend as if I were doing them the most unbelievable favor, somehow I think they already appreciate the utility of a bit of hand-me-down know-how.)

Now I'm back. Beth is here (just in time to save me from "still not used to living here" syndrom; when I suffer from this, I don't leave my apartment, even though a whole city with a million thing to do is available to me, because it's a whole city with a million things to do. I don't have my "places" figured out yet - you know, the places you go when you just want to hang out and walk or read a book, without spending money, or very little, places you go to just for the sake of not having anything else to do and just wanting to get outta the house? Yeah, well, I need those. And I haven't figured mine out yet. So I've been inside watching lame spanish daytime TV and napping in indirect sunlight all day long).
Finally the week of beginning work has arrived!! Today the Segovia crew also arrives back to school and I'll have them nearby again. So now everything is starting for real! I've survived the awkward transitional period! HOOORRRRRAAAAYYY!!!!!!

Ta-WOO!

So here I bloody am...

2007-09-28T09:03:00.000+02:00

For better or for worse.

Perhaps it isn't the right idea to start this blog, and this experience for that matter, off on a not-entirely-positive foot. Then again, its not an entirely negative one, either, is it now? I'm trying (hard) to be neutral, to not have high expectations - because then I will be onl pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised, not disappointed. Is that so odd? I suppose I am a pessimist after all. If not a neutralist. How about a balance-ist? I do have a fancy yin-yang tattooed on my bum. I think that counts for something.

It's just that everyone is so excited for me. For the past several months I've told them my plans and instantaneously this cartoon grin appears on their faces. "Oh! You'll have the time of your life!" "Isn't that amazing!" "What a wonderful idea! You are so brave to be doing this!"

To set the record straight, I do not feel particularly brave (no more than any of my other friends in starting new jobs in new places or new apartments). I also already have some experience in this country, so its not as difficult for me as it would be for someone else. I actually don't feel like I had much of choice: this was really the best plan I could come up with, or rather the only plan (considering that wallowing on my parents' couch was never a real option for me. I wanted out of the house! Out! Now! And New York is just too much. I was so done with the 24/7 hustle.)

All that said, I will admit that I feel a bit more vulnerable here. Less than I did before. Perhaps not less than I would in New York, for example. But I dislike feeling vulnerable at all. Ever. So it will take some getting used to again.

And with that, I give you a glimpse into my emotional state. So what has actually happened to me so far? And where will I go with such a defensive attitude?

We'll just have to wait and see. You and I both.