I'm back! or something.

My last entry, as Ethan has oh-so-kindly pointed out, was so rushed it was practically unintelligable with all my typos (though, in my defense, spanish keyboards are different and i was writing from a computer at my school in my last 2 minutes of break-time). I will write a bit more later, but I leave you temporarily with a few snapshots of my past week. You know, those moments when something makes you pause and think "hmmmmm" (like that song "things that make ya go...HMMMMMMM"). Anyway. A brief glimpse into life this week.


Riding the bus to work at 10 in the morning, the sky was totally clear and blue, with the mountains to the north of madrid rising in the distance in the sunshine, and the moon HUGE and ghostly setting just above them. Surreal.


On tuesday, I arrived in class to be greeted by my student's congratulations ("Felicidades, Anna!") for the occasion of Teacher's Day (which it was), and then for my PREGNANCY (which i was not, clearly). What the fuck?! Seriously, you're as confused as I was. I spent 3 minutes trying to explain that there was no "bebe" in my tummy. Note to self: don't wear that long empire-waisted shirt to school again.


Tonight, walking home from the movies just before midnight, I passed a very tall transvestite hooker helping a neatly dressed older gentlemen take cash out of a Caja Madrid ATM. Hmmmmmmm....

and with that...i leave you (so I can sleep).

Wha...what? AH!

I haven´t written any entries in three weeks because I am internetless at home. It is a huge pain in my behind. Hopefully sometime before the ned of this month I will be reinstated to internet-dom and i will be able to fill in the last month or so which will include
-my trip to the south of frnace
-continuing adventures with 6-year-olds (who are screamign in the background as i write this)
- halloween
-my upcoming thanksgiving dinner-party! Me and Beth cooking for 15 people. in my tiny kitchen. thos should be HILARIOUS

in the meantime, much love to all, and i wish that no such dryspell of online-ness should occur for you at a similarly inopportune moment

what to say...where to begin

this week, it seems i'm writing for the sake of writing. for the sake of writing, and not letting too much time pass (as i usually do with journals - i'm a horrible journaler.)

Elodie and Pierre have just left. They're going to el Escorial - its a palace nearby Madrid, and I want to go, but I'm trying to be frugal and my cheque doesnt come until wednesday (is that crass? to talk about money on a blog? well, oh well - whatever). I just don't want to mooch another cent off my parents - I'm tired of not being responsible for myself. So I'm being responsible and staying home alone in my apartment. with very little food.

If I'm lucky, Javi will come to visit me this evening - Javi Aquilera, my friend from Segovia, not my roommate. I invited him for a movie - but i don't know if he'll make it because of all the work he has to do.

One thing I'm realizing slowly but surely is how enchanted I was by Spain my first time here. Even at the end of my time, when I 'd sort of created a life for myself and came to except certain things specific to being here as part of my life, not just a fun diversion, I was still romanticizing the life I had here - the culture, my surroundings, my friends, even.

Well that delusion is showing itself for what it really was, by expectations are being revelaed to me in all their rosy tones. This is not to say I regret my decision to come, or that i don't think that at some time in the future I will come to value THIS experience highly, although differently without a doubt. But right now, man, I have no idea what that value is going to be (obviously, Anna, come on - I keep telling myself). But right now, I feel like being here...still isn't real. The first time I felt numb like this because everything was so surreal, so magical, that I couldn't believe I was living in fairytale land. this time, everything is so real, so normal, so mundane...it's equally as surreal. there's no struggle to make it real, and, well, being in madrid is also not liek being in segovia with the "castle" and the mountains. I miss that....(although this time my apartment has a view of the real Royal Palace...LA DE DA).

Well. theat senough for today. I'm off to have tea with carolyn. pajama party!

Adios, Kate

Kate is gone. Adios, Kate!

Kate was my fellow auxiliar in the Colegio Maria Moliner. Kate did not contact the school before arriving in Madrid to confirm that she was coming. She arrived the day before our first meeting and two days before starting work. Poor Kate was tired out by all of the adjusting in the first week, in addition to our taxing role at the cole (school). She complained about our not-ideal work schedule, and while I sympathize with this judgement, I also explained to her that now that the school year has begun, there is only so much that can be expected to be done to better the situation.

A week ago exactly (tuesday), Kate arrived for her 4th day at work, but felt ill. She left the school early to rest. She was also out ill on wednesday. On thursday morning when she was also absent and had not notified the school, our program coordinator Maria Angeles asked me if I knew where she was (which I didn't). I sent her a message saying "You should call the school." At 11:30am I found out through Maria Angeles that the Auxiliares program director had called to say that Kate had quit.

Now I am the only auxiliar left at Maria Moliner. They are waiting for a replacement that, hopefully, will be coming sometime in the questionably near future. I guess this job isn't for everyone. I mean, I'm not sure it's really for me either, but hey, I'm gonna stick it out anyway. Wish me luck!

And Kate, wherever you are, I wish you luck too. And I wish you survival skills.

Sometime around 3 a.m. on Thursday night, winding my way around a discoteca (palacio, for those of you in the know), hanging onto Virginia's hand, I had a moment of clarity; this was what I came back to Spain to do, and even though it feels weird again right now, I'm doing what I need to do...and starting to ::gasp:: enjoy it.

Virginia is 24 and works with me in the colegio - we teach art class and computer class to the 1st graders together in english (she speaks very well). I knew from the first day I met her that I wanted to get to know her better - she's closer to my age than most of the other teachers, and I could tell from her manner that wewould probably get along: she's very low maintenance, loud, and has a good sense of humor (without being happy-go-lucky). So when I told her I might be going out on thursday with my roommate, she said she would definitely be in madrid for the night and we had to meet up. I was so exhausted that night from working with the kids all week that I knew it would be better to stay in and rest up, but I wanted to convince myself otherwise - I spend enough time alone in my room inside my apartment as it is. When I called her to say I wasn't even dressed yet and not sure I was going out, she wouldn't hear of it (in typical spanish fashion, and this is perhaps one of the things I was looking for from this year, and certainly from her). I ended up meeting up with her and her group of friends from her little hometown, AND a couple of their friends, including a french guy (ho was hysterical) and belgian guy who was both ridiculously beautiful and ridiculously out of my league. We were singing and eating until 2:30 when we went to Palacio (I got us in for cheap with some student discount club deal, which made them happy) and danced until 6:30. Then of course out for churros, where I got to sit on the belgian's lap because (boo-hoo) there was no seat left for me. They were a good bunch of people, very amiable, good humored, got along well with each other and made me feel comfortable even though I'd just met them and they've known each other all their lives.

Since I went to bed at 8 a.m on friday (after showering that icky smoke smell out of my hair and skin - cuz it makes you wanna puke when you wake up to it), I basically spent the day resting. On saturday I took my roommate Elodie and her boyfriend to Segovia to tour them around. We didn't actually see that much cause we got there late and left early (relatively speaking), but they saw the main drage and the main sights. It sort of felt like I was cheating them, because from my perspective Segovia get more beautiful the more time you have to spend just wandering around - but I let it go with them. It doesn't have to mean the same thign for everyone, right? We all went out to a rugby game, where unfortunately the French team lost (bummer).

Just getting out, spending time with new people, and having a good time doing it was reassuring. Because even though I've done this before, as I've said - this time is different. I needed to prove to myself that the reasons I chose to come back here still make sense. And it seems like, so far, so good. I even feel like I appeciate my little room here in the apartment more. It feels more like home, and I feel more settled in it.

And today at school Virginia told me her friends had fun and liked me, and that we'll have to do it again...

Spanification

Just thought I should share one of the cultural phenomena here that makes me laugh the most: what I will call Spanifications, though I am sure there is a better word...

Basically this means an interpretation of a word in english based on spanish phonetics. When spoken, these are funny enough. When written, they are HILARIOUS.

For example:

Graffiti seen on a highway wall: MADAFAKER

Translation: Motherfucker

Name of a day care center: JAPI VERDY

Translation: Happy Birdie

Believe me, there are more. I will keep posting the good ones as I see em.

adjustments, adjustments...

Oh dear lord.

Two major things that have come up this week that I will have to get used to (again - as in differently from the way I adjusted to these things my first time here):
1) Men hitting on me (what??)
2) The Spanish education system (which sucks bollullos - that's a nod to Ms. Bethany, my own personal Edina Monsoon)

The bit about guys hitting on me is a slight exaggeration. But seriously, it does happen more often here that someone you barely know, who happens to be male, shows more interest in you than any nearly perfect stranger would if he weren't trying to get something out of it. No one's grabbed my ass. But I have experienced a spike in the number of men offering to accompany while I walk somewhere (once this oldish guy who literally backtracked to start a conversation with me - that was just weird. Obviously I politely declined, explaining how my ::ahem:: non-existent friend was expectng me.)

The Spanish education system, however, is no joke. It's poorly organized, entirely lacking in methodology and logic - and they have no problem with berating the children all day long. Once again, I exaggerate. SLIGHTLY.

In my past 3 days of work, I have worked mostly with the 6 and 7 year olds (1st grade equivalent). They're still just out of preschool more or less, and they aren't used to the rules of a schoolday: they just want to play! And instead of this being understood and dealt with in the classroom with understanding, the children are ordered to sit still without talking for most of the day, though of course, THEY CAN'T - they get up, talk to each other, shift around - -and in response, their teacher yell tell them they are ill-behaved, that they will not be doing the fun activities planned for them NO they will sit still and uiet for 5 minutes without moving. They are monsters, they are horrors. They are stupid.

It isn't like this every moment of every day, but the frequency of this kind of interaction in the classroom, and the general way that the teachers speak of their students as being incorrigable and willfully disobedient, deserving of punishment, is just... disheartening.

It's my pesky liberal, alternative pedagogy education that makes this so hard. The teachers here seem to think about this situation: "no hay mas remedio," or, there's just no other way to make it work. I know that this isnt true. But what do I say? Yes there is, it's jsut a simple matter of rehauling your entire educational idealogy? Good fucking luck.

And then there's the kids. The littler ones I work with (5 and 4 years old) don't understand a single word of English. "hello", maybe, but even that's a stretch. I actually cried in front of them last week, because I was given a group of 10 or so to handle on my own, and I couldn't get them to even understand "Sit down", "be quiet", let's play a GAME." They don't know SIT or GAME. And yet the entire class is supposed to be taught by speaking to them ONLY IN ENGLISH. WHAT???!!! it amkes no sense. And the teachers are entirely unprepared to deal with the challenge as well. The program is a total farce - my one day of orientation was basically just a meeting where a bunch of diplomatic representatives were like "Have a good time!" and then we signed some paperwork for our residency permits and were allowed to leave.

It's all ridiculous. And I just sort of have to deal with it. But I'm trying to do it in my own way, although I'm still figuring out what that means. Certainly it means not being one of the teachers that yells and cajoles. I stay out of that. A stern look and a pointed finger is the worst they've gotten from me.

So the last week or so has been a lot of coping. It's not all horrible - I like my kids that i'm working with and I do have hope that they will make progress. Sorry for a lot of update packed into one entry, guys, but there's been so much going on in my head that its taken me this long to get it out - and it just keeps building up.

Anyway, I'll save some of the other details of life in Spain for another entry. So stay tuned!
BESOSSSSSSS

FOTOS!!!

Tomorrow I start my job!!!!! A little nervous, mostly excited....
And I finally downloaded some shots - Enjoy.

Room!


Me in Room! Today


"Paz" was here


Elodie :)


Why am I back by this aqueduct again??


Beth is Beautiful



Til next time. Much Love.

Not alone anymore

La Bethany ha llegado! She's sitting behind me reading my trashy british Cosmo that I picked up when my flight was delayed from barcelona. You didn't know I went to Barcelona?? Where have you been?
More like where have I been. Mentally. I guess I'm trying to settle myself around the idea of being here before I sit down and recount what's happened to me so far. But then I'd have to wait for... well, too long and there would be too much to tell before I even got started and THEN where would I be? This is why I have always been a bad journaler. Let's see if I can start to be a bit better.

Let's see. I spent the first week or so here buying things for the apartment, setting up, getting to know my roommates. My apartment is very close to the center of town, and from the windows that face the street you can see the royal palace (beautiful at sunset). My room has a window looking into the interior patio of the building (no view for me), but otherwise the place is fully equiped and awesome location-wise, and the rent is just fine; I have no complaints. My roommates are Javi and Manolo (two spanish boys, Javi a student, Manolo a middle/high school math teacher), and Elodie, who is 20 and french and studying here for the year. She's been good company, as her English is better than her Spanish, we speak mostly in English (which has made the transition to being here a bit surreal - I've spent most of my time speaking in English thus far). Elodie's boyfriend, Pierre, visits for the weekend periodically. He's here now with Elodie, Beth and I.
Elodie has also agreed to help me learn french - I'm going to partly teach myself out of a some textbooks i bought, and partly she'll be my tutor, We'll see how this one goes.

But I had so much time to kill before starting work, and I was getting stir-crazy in the apartment, in need of new company and to get out of my own head. So I bought me a ticket to:

BARCELONA.
I'm afraid pictures will have to come a long soon, though not yet. I thought my cameras was broken. It has now recovered, but I haven't really taken many pictures yet... I went to visit Alex Brostoff, another SLC/Boston area girl. Actually, my intention was more to go to Barcelona and spend some time with Alex while there. I pretty much ended up spending 5 days with her and a couple of her friends from her study aborad program. the weekend coincided with the La Mercé celebration (the biggest festival of the year in BCN), and it was tough to balance seeing some of the awesome museums and touristy offerings, AND part of the festival, AND spending time on the beach (which I was dying to do). I got in a bit of everything. Friday on las ramblas, Saturday the Picasso Museum and introducing Alex & co. to calimoxo, sunday on the beach and to Park Güell, a Gaudí designed park - with a beautiful sunset view of the city. Sunday night was a bit crazy - we talked and drank until late, and ended up at a club where an unfortunately stupid young man found out the hard way what happens when you try to accost me and my friends, even if we are drunk and dancing suggestively a la american (if you want the full story, just ask me). We never went to bed that night - just stayed up until the next night (slept on the beach in the afternoon).
That was the interesting part of the weekend; being the sage, experienced traveler and live-r abroad. (How did that happen?) But they had so many questions, and I tried to give them all the tips and clues and double-entendres that it took me my whole year living here to put together - the ones that would have made so many things easier if only someone had clued me in from the outset. So I'm trying to them a fighting chance. I hope I was helpful (but since they kept thanking me all weekend as if I were doing them the most unbelievable favor, somehow I think they already appreciate the utility of a bit of hand-me-down know-how.)

Now I'm back. Beth is here (just in time to save me from "still not used to living here" syndrom; when I suffer from this, I don't leave my apartment, even though a whole city with a million thing to do is available to me, because it's a whole city with a million things to do. I don't have my "places" figured out yet - you know, the places you go when you just want to hang out and walk or read a book, without spending money, or very little, places you go to just for the sake of not having anything else to do and just wanting to get outta the house? Yeah, well, I need those. And I haven't figured mine out yet. So I've been inside watching lame spanish daytime TV and napping in indirect sunlight all day long).
Finally the week of beginning work has arrived!! Today the Segovia crew also arrives back to school and I'll have them nearby again. So now everything is starting for real! I've survived the awkward transitional period! HOOORRRRRAAAAYYY!!!!!!

Ta-WOO!

So here I bloody am...

For better or for worse.

Perhaps it isn't the right idea to start this blog, and this experience for that matter, off on a not-entirely-positive foot. Then again, its not an entirely negative one, either, is it now? I'm trying (hard) to be neutral, to not have high expectations - because then I will be onl pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised, not disappointed. Is that so odd? I suppose I am a pessimist after all. If not a neutralist. How about a balance-ist? I do have a fancy yin-yang tattooed on my bum. I think that counts for something.

It's just that everyone is so excited for me. For the past several months I've told them my plans and instantaneously this cartoon grin appears on their faces. "Oh! You'll have the time of your life!" "Isn't that amazing!" "What a wonderful idea! You are so brave to be doing this!"

To set the record straight, I do not feel particularly brave (no more than any of my other friends in starting new jobs in new places or new apartments). I also already have some experience in this country, so its not as difficult for me as it would be for someone else. I actually don't feel like I had much of choice: this was really the best plan I could come up with, or rather the only plan (considering that wallowing on my parents' couch was never a real option for me. I wanted out of the house! Out! Now! And New York is just too much. I was so done with the 24/7 hustle.)

All that said, I will admit that I feel a bit more vulnerable here. Less than I did before. Perhaps not less than I would in New York, for example. But I dislike feeling vulnerable at all. Ever. So it will take some getting used to again.

And with that, I give you a glimpse into my emotional state. So what has actually happened to me so far? And where will I go with such a defensive attitude?

We'll just have to wait and see. You and I both.