So here I bloody am...

For better or for worse.

Perhaps it isn't the right idea to start this blog, and this experience for that matter, off on a not-entirely-positive foot. Then again, its not an entirely negative one, either, is it now? I'm trying (hard) to be neutral, to not have high expectations - because then I will be onl pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised, not disappointed. Is that so odd? I suppose I am a pessimist after all. If not a neutralist. How about a balance-ist? I do have a fancy yin-yang tattooed on my bum. I think that counts for something.

It's just that everyone is so excited for me. For the past several months I've told them my plans and instantaneously this cartoon grin appears on their faces. "Oh! You'll have the time of your life!" "Isn't that amazing!" "What a wonderful idea! You are so brave to be doing this!"

To set the record straight, I do not feel particularly brave (no more than any of my other friends in starting new jobs in new places or new apartments). I also already have some experience in this country, so its not as difficult for me as it would be for someone else. I actually don't feel like I had much of choice: this was really the best plan I could come up with, or rather the only plan (considering that wallowing on my parents' couch was never a real option for me. I wanted out of the house! Out! Now! And New York is just too much. I was so done with the 24/7 hustle.)

All that said, I will admit that I feel a bit more vulnerable here. Less than I did before. Perhaps not less than I would in New York, for example. But I dislike feeling vulnerable at all. Ever. So it will take some getting used to again.

And with that, I give you a glimpse into my emotional state. So what has actually happened to me so far? And where will I go with such a defensive attitude?

We'll just have to wait and see. You and I both.